Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent,
raising Response-Able children.
"Never place a period in your life, where God only meant to place
— Gracie Allen
Many of you have written to inquire about my health.
I am happy to report I am back in the saddle again. After several weeks
of radiation and chemo and three months of recovery, my latest CAT scan
was clear. You can only imagine the celebration that occurred in my family.
Having made it over this hurdle, my focus is now on staying cancer-free
My deepest thanks go to those of you who prayed in my behalf, sent
encouragement, and helped to keep my spirits up. Thank you. Thank you.
Now it is time to concentrate again on helping parents and teachers
raise responsible, caring, confident young people. Thank you for the opportunity
to share my thoughts, ideas, and strategies with you through this newsletter.
Please pass it on.
3. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation [back to top]
Observe how your children approach you today. What is their approach
saying about the ways they perceive you? What is it saying about the ways
you perceive them?
About 10.4 million Americans between ages twelve and twenty had at least
one alcoholic drink last month. Nearly 7 million of these underage kids
could be considered binge drinkers, consuming five or more drinks in a
row on a single occasion.
Go to www.ncadd.org for parenting resources and suggestions.
Subscriber comments, ideas, and concerns are valued. Email your
comment to IPP57@aol.com
5. Article: "10 Tips for Making
Your Family Vacation the Best Ever" [back
by Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
Summer is fast approaching and school is coming to an end. Soon it will
be time to load the family in the car and head down the road on a vacation
you hope will be more than fun for all.
Perhaps you're thinking of vacationing somewhere new this year and taking
in the sights of our beautiful country. Or maybe you're planning on spending
some much needed R & R around a campfire at your favorite campground.
Whether you plan to vacation for a full week or a few long weekends, how
you prepare the family can make or break this year's vacation. The ten
tips below can help you make this year's family vacation the best ever.
#1 ESTABLISH A MUTUAL PLAN: Allow every member of the family to have
input on the type of vacation and/or activities they would like to experience.
Pick a destination together. Reach consensus on what type of vacation
you want to create. Then brainstorm all the possible sites to visit and
potential activities. Build a list of things you want to do, making sure
that each family member has a top priority on the list. When everyone
has a say, you build commitment and lower resistance.
If your children are younger, establish the destination with your spouse,
and then discuss with your children various options about what to do when
you get there. As your children get older, increase their input on decisions.
By allowing every family member to have input, ownership is established.
Each family member can now look forward to the specific part he or she
desires while allowing other family members to enjoy their special preferences.
#2 VACATION WITHIN YOUR FINANCIAL MEANS: Plan a vacation that you know
you can afford. Stress builds as the money dwindles. Do only what you
can afford to do. If you can't afford to take a vacation the way you'd
like, plan to take that vacation at a later date and get everyone involved
in building the funds to do so. Agree that for now you will vacation within
the limits of what the family can afford. This models fiscal responsibility
for your children and teaches them to work and save for something desirable.
#3 STICK TO THE CHILDREN'S REGULAR DAILY SCHEDULE/ROUTINE: The younger
the child, the more important it is to stick to your regular schedule.
While on vacation, children under the age of ten need to go to bed, get
up, and eat at the same times they normally do. Young children's bodies
are not able to adjust quickly to time changes and schedule adjustments.
The more adjustments in their traditional schedules your children are
called upon to make, the more mood swings and irritability you're likely
to encounter. For a less stressful, more relaxed vacation, keep the changes
in schedule to a minimum.
#4 BE FLEXIBLE: No matter what the plan, be willing and able to adjust
it. No matter how well you planned beforehand, surprises and unexpected
events will occur. Flexibility allows you to bring variability and energy
to your vacation plan. When roadblocks occur, stubbornly insisting that
the plan be precisely followed can create unwelcome tension. Relax and
roll with the punches.
#5 DON'T ATTEMPT TO DO IT ALL: Slow down. The more you and your family
members attempt to "fit it all in," the greater the chance that
irritability and frustration will occur. Set a steady pace that attempts
to accomplish a little bit of the plan at a time. Don't push to accomplish
everything on your list. Remember, a vacation is about enjoying and savoring
time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
#6 REMEMBER THAT BOREDOM IS A CHOICE: When traveling (especially by car),
take a variety of games, toys, books, and videos to occupy time. Be creative.
The words "I'm bored" or "This is boring" are cues
that it's time to make a different choice and change to another activity.
Perhaps it's time to get out of the car and run around. It could be time
to stop at a new restaurant. A travel center could provide treasures of
trinkets, books, and brochures to rekindle interest.
#7 DON'T ATTEMPT TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER AS A FAMILY: You don't have
to do everything together as a family all the time. It's okay to split
up. Different people have different interests. Allow for opportunities
to explore these different interests without feeling the need to stick
with those who will find them boring and be inclined to "grumble
and moan" about it. Seek opportunities to have one-on-one time with
each of your children. The experiences of the individual will add life
and energy to the family as they are shared and talked about later.
#8 FOLLOW A HIGH-VOLUME DAY WITH A LOW-VOLUME DAY: Give yourself and
your children the opportunity to recuperate and reenergize. Mix a day
of rest and low activity in with the fast-paced, high-energy days. The
entire family will be able to enjoy the high-volume day when everyone's
energy is strong. Your family will only be as energetic as the least energetic
#9 EAT HEALTHY WHENEVER POSSIBLE: So many vacations are riddled with
fast food and high-sugar drinks. As the vacation progresses, the body's
need to manage stress challenges the immune system. Eating healthy and
drinking water instead of soft drinks increases the body's ability to
adjust and cope with change. No one wants to be sick while on vacation.
Eating healthy increases your chances of staying healthy and full of energy.
#10 MAKE A "BE" CHOICE: Discuss and choose how you are going
to "BE" during various parts of the vacation. Decide to "BE"
playful at times, serious at other times. Talk about the various choices
in mood and temperament that are available to everyone during a specific
activity. If a trip is planned in which waiting in line is likely, some
choices are to "BE" observant, friendly, patient, frustrated,
curious, or talkative. Help one another make choices that enable the vacation
to be enjoyable for the entire family. Support one another in making a
helpful "BE" choice and in
BEING that choice.
Once your vacation is over, come together as a family and discuss how
it went. View pictures together and reflect on what each person remembers
about that moment. Debrief and evaluate what worked and what didn't. Consider
adjustments that would make the next family vacation smoother and more
enjoyable. Begin to plan the next trip, keeping in mind the highs and
lows of the trip that just passed. Doing so will put you on your way to
making your next family vacation the best one ever.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of "Couple Talk:
How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship" (available from Personal
Power Press at (toll-free) 877-360-1477). They also publish "Couple
Talk," a FREE email newsletter for couples. Subscribe to it at email@example.com.
Visit www.chickmoorman.com and www.thomashaller.com.
Chick Moorman's articles are available for reprinting and distribution.
All I ask is that you keep my name at the top of the article and attach
the following tagline at the bottom:
Chick Moorman is the author of "Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your
Child in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility"
and "Spirit Whisperers:
Teachers Who Nourish a Child's Spirit." (Available from Personal
Power Press at
(toll-free) 877-360-1477.) He publishes FREE e-newsletters for parents
Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org to get your free subscription to one or
Thank you for your compliance with this request.
When your child comes to you with a concern, most likely you can solve
the problem. As an experienced adult, you have the answers. You know what
to do. Do that often and your child begins to see you as the problem solver,
the fixer, the rescuer. Your child loses confidence in his or her own
ability to handle problems and fails to build skills to use when you are
Instead of giving answers, consider asking questions.
Questions can help your child consider options: "What have you thought
of so far?" "What other possibilities do you see?"
Questions can help your child focus and clarify goals: "What are
you attempting to accomplish here?" "How would you like it to
You communicate trust when you ask your child questions: "What can
you do to create it the way you want it?" "How would you handle
this if no one were around to ask?"
Questions allow you to become the facilitator. They help you step out
of the rescuing role: "What do you think would happen if you did
that?" "How would that feel if it were happening to you?"
"So what do you think you will do?"
If your goal is raising a confident, skill-oriented solution-seeker, ask
questions instead offering solutions.
Multiple copies of "Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Child in Language
That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility" can be obtained
at discount prices by calling (toll-free) 877-360-1477 or emailing email@example.com.
We childproofed our home three years ago, but they're still getting in.
Rights to print, publish, and sell a paperback edition of "Parent
Talk" in the Thai language has been granted to The Master Group Management
Company in Bangkok, Thailand. We're pleased that parents and children
in Thailand will soon be benefiting from the helpful concepts the book
Contemplating your last issue on youth sports, I recalled a discussion
that occurred a few weeks ago during Bible study. We were discussing how
in our minds, a busy life equals a successful life. We ended up taking
about our children's extracurricular lives, including sports schedules.
I was shocked by the realization that we are teaching our kids to feel
successful not by what they want to accomplish, but by what we want them
to accomplish. Don't get me wrong. Of course every parent wants the best
possible future for their little treasures. But the cost is tremendous.
We enroll them in so many activities that there is little time left for
them to be kids. We focus so much on goals that we overlook the joy of
living through the process, participating, learning a new skill, sharing,
winning, losing, making choices, making mistakes, learning manners, sportsmanship,
etc. It seems like we are trying to turn our children into degrees and
titles rather than people.
My thoughts on this began the day my 6-year-old, Maria, told me she was
bored. "Bored?" I asked. "Yes," she replied. "Entertain
me." I was overwhelmed by her statement. Have I become my child's
entertainer? Drive me here. Take me there. Enroll me in this and that.
What about taking a bike ride, playing dolls, or reading a book? I was
shocked that my 6-year-old would rather be scheduled to exhaustion than
use her imagination or play "make believe." I wasn't teaching
her how to live. I was teaching her to live fast enough so that nothing
I made the decision to teach my kids to become persons before ballet dancers
or swimmers. I asked my daughter to choose her one favorite activity.
We do that now, once a week. During the rest of the week we play together
or she plays alone. The TV and computer are not options except on rare
At my Bible study, the mothers confessed to not ever having family dinners
because of their kids' schedules. They complained how they and their husbands
raced around after work taking their children to activities. Imagine what
this is like when there are 2 or 3 kids. There were many opinions expressed,
with some mothers saying that they want their kids to get a headstart
for college!!!!! These are just kids!!!
Chick, I think our mission as parents is to leave healthy, loving, functioning
adults on this earth, but our focus on how to achieve that has to change.
For me, this has been a great lesson. Allowing Maria to think about what
she wants to do, choose it, and then enjoy it in a relaxed manner is now
my goal. In the end, it will be her accomplishment, and if I am lucky,
she will invite me along for the ride.
Dear Concerned Mom,
Thanks for sharing. We do live in harried times. Thank you for the reminder
to slow down, be selective, and enjoy the process.
11. Facilitator Training in the Parent Talk System [back to top]
WANTED: Training facilitators to learn the Parent Talk System's Language
of Response-Able Parenting model.
GOAL: To help parents learn effective verbal skills to use with their
Take a giant step toward helping the parents in your community. Become
a skilled facilitator of the Parent Talk System by attending our summer
facilitator training. Join the growing number of people from around the
world (USA, Mexico, Spain) who have learned how to help parents raise
responsible, caring, confident children. We will help you learn to put
the highly effective Parent Talk skills into the hands of parents in your
church, school, or organization. You will leave this three-day training
with the skills and confidence to touch the hearts and minds of parents
in your community!
Parent Talk System Training Schedule:
July 29, 30, 31
Spring Arbor University Campus
Facilitated by Chick Moorman and Judith Minton. Limited to 25 participants.
Graduate credit available. To request a detailed brochure, email firstname.lastname@example.org.
(Be sure to include your mailing address.)
12. Managing Your Subscription [back
A.) If you are receiving the newsletter as a forward and would like
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C.) Back issues of the Response-Able Parenting Newsletter can be found here.
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If so, e-mail email@example.com and request
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E.) Please recommend this free e-newsletter to any parent who is interested
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Be sure to let us know your old e-mail address so we can unsubscribe it.
To find out more about workshops, seminars, and keynote addresses
presented by Chick Moorman contact him at toll free, 877/360-1477 or email IPP57@aol.com
Copyright 2004 Chick Moorman Seminars, all rights reserved. Share
this with your circle.